


i'm sorry, my angel

by beauterosee



Series: money can't buy happinness [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mob Boss Steve Rogers, No Happy Ending Fest, Pregnancy, Sad Ending, it's super sad i'm sorry, this is literally me channeling my depression into writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 22:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30062727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beauterosee/pseuds/beauterosee
Summary: Steve finally realizes you're never coming back
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Reader, Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s), Steve Rogers/Reader
Series: money can't buy happinness [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211660
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	i'm sorry, my angel

It still haunted him, the moment you came to him for help. When you confessed to him you were happier back when you had nothing than you were now that he could provide for you the way he wanted to, he felt like all of his insecurities were resurfacing. He’d been continuously breaking your heart, ever since he decided what he had wasn’t enough for him anymore, ever since he decided he wanted,  _ needed _ more. Unfortunately, he failed to see that you needed him more. He wished he would’ve reacted faster, said something… but ultimately, his silence ended up leading to your demise, and for that, he would never forgive himself. 

Sleep would barely come to him ever since you left. He was forced to trade the comfort of being in your arms every night for the cold leather chair in his home office. His mind would constantly wander to you. Sometimes he would close his eyes and allow himself to remember the way your smile would make his heart skip a beat. For a few seconds, he just wanted to remain in a world where you and the child he hadn’t known about weren’t permanently gone.

When he would have no choice but to come back to his harsh reality, he would pour himself a drink and try to drown his sorrows into alcohol. 

Tonight though, tonight he decided to pick up a pen instead of a glass. He wanted to finally put the words he had never gotten to say to you on paper:

_ My angel, _

_ The last few weeks have been hell without you. The house feels so empty without your cheerful laughter to fill it up. Our bed has never felt so cold and empty without your presence to warm it up. This house does not feel like a home anymore, and I realize now this is how you must’ve felt without me by your side. I failed you. I failed our baby. I failed my family and I only have myself to blame for that. God, I should’ve been there for you. You begged me to make it better and I didn’t listen. I’m so sorry, doll. Truth is, none of this makes sense without you. None of it is worth it because the most important people in my life are not with me. I lost sight of who I was, of why I wanted to do this in the first place. You made me want to become a better man from the moment we first met. You’d always said I was the only thing you needed to be happy, and from that moment, I made it my mission to become a better man for you, to give you everything you deserved. I guess along the way, I got lost and turned into someone you couldn’t be proud of. I didn’t see how unhappy you were, or I guess I was willfully ignorant. Because accepting that I was the reason behind your misery would have broken me. And I ended up selfishly choosing to let you break, instead of bearing the consequences to my actions.  _

_ My love, I would give anything to bring you and our baby back. Life without you is meaningless. You were the love of my life and no one will ever replace you. Truth is, I’m the one who is grateful to have met you, to have been able to love you and to have had the honour of being loved by you. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to continue loving you the way you deserved to be loved and cherished. I’m sorry I ever made you doubt my love for you, because I have never stopped and never will stop loving you. I hope you’re in a better place now. I hope you’re free of all the pain I have caused and I pray that someday I will be reunited with you and our baby.. Although, I don’t think a man like me belongs anywhere near you in the after life. _

_ I’m sorry, my angel _

_ -Your love _

  
  


Steve slumped into his chair. The smearing ink on his letter made him aware of the tears that had managed to escape from his eyes. Soon, body shaking sobs began racking his body, each one of the stronger than the last. Steve Rogers was now the shadow of who he once used to be.


End file.
